the proust questionnaire

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shamelessly stolen from here.

What is your idea of perfect happiness?
living in a bastardized copy of the setting of "alter ego"---a library with every book ever made, its librarian, and me, the wanderer.
What is your greatest fear?
seeing my 'family' again.
What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
are my mood swings a trait? because oh do i deplore them.
What is the trait you most deplore in others?
refusal to have an honest conversation about a problem. refusing to actually say what the problem is. dishonesty to protect other people's feelings or make themselves look good / not bad. overall, i despise liars.
Which living person do you most admire?
one of my coworkers is skilled (at whatever he feels like being good at), well-cultured, charismatic, non-anxious, intelligent, likeable, friendly, well-rounded, strong, and looks a decade or two younger than he actually is. he knows himself. i am in awe that i get to know someone like that. turns out, not all older adults are miserable fucks...
What is your greatest extravagance?
i read this as "what do i give the most leeway to"---my impulses, my whims, my flights of fancy. i don't do anything extravagant, yet my tendency to "fuck around and find out" feels extravagant.
What is your current state of mind?
i am currently sick of being.
What do you consider the most overrated virtue?
i think talent is overrated. being 'naturally good at something' doesn't stop someone from running into the inevitable roadblock; then the talent is a hindrance for getting past the obstacle.
On what occasion do you lie?
"what have you been up to?" "nothing."; "how's life?" "same ol' same ol'."
What do you most dislike about your appearance?
i look weak.
Which living person do you most despise?
the current potus is low hanging fruit. to answer this question without naming a politician would seem to go against what is socially acceptable.
What is the quality you most like in a man?
the ability to know what one is doing and pass this knowledge on to someone else without being a condescending asshole.
What is the quality you most like in a woman?
the ability to bitch about unsolvable problems. men just don't get it.
Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
"what it says on the tin." "fuck around and find out."
"BEHIND!"
What or who is the greatest love of your life?
the love of my life is words which have been written, sentences which have been structured, paragraphs which have blessed the page, and literature which has been cursed into existence.
When and where were you happiest?
while i do not clearly recall the first time i read house of leaves, i am certain this was the happiest moment of my live.
Which talent would you most like to have?
i would love some hand-eye coordination and the ability to visualize what i see.
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
my querulous nature.
What do you consider your greatest achievement?
to date, finding a satisfactory place to live and having a job.
If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be?
if i must be reincarnated in this world, let it be as an octopus. while i'd love to explore the air as a pigeon, i feel an inexplicable calling to wander the depths of the sea. i fear the thought of doing so as a human---dangers abound---yet embarking on this as a creature designed for such an environment would be the solution to my problems.
Where would you most like to live?
a small cottage in the woods, within one mile of a grocery store, my workplace, a bookstore, and a train station.
What is your most treasured possession?
if my computer were to perish, i'd live in a quiet state of misery; if my notebooks and pens were to vanish, i would die.
What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
i believe the most miserable situation is being a victim of one's circumstances. a shitty situation which one cannot do anything about (bar a miraculous occurence) is the most miserable one.
What is your favorite occupation?
the food service industry is held up by dishwashers. they who control the dishpit control the fate of the kitchen.
What is your most marked characteristic?
i have been told i am phobic. i have also been told i seem to have an identity crisis ever day. these come from other people, and not myself, so i fear they are on to something.
What do you most value in your friends?
would i value someone who puts up with my bullshit? no, but i would value someone who enables it. i imagine writing to someone about my latest shitty impulsive whim of the day, and them daring me---nay, coercing me---into fulfilling it. he cannot fix me; we will make each other worse.
Who are your favorite writers?
julia wertz, mark danielewski, lemony snicket, nabokov...
Who is your hero of fiction?
the writing, rambling, drug-taking, researching, wandering, lost-and-found, peregrinatic, esoteric, delusional, sex-obsessed, fixated, schizophrenic man himself: johnny truant.
Which historical figure do you most identify with?
i unrelate to historical figures; i will only ever be myself. fernando pessoa is up for consideration.
Who are your heroes in real life?
nobody.
What are your favorite names?
i've fantasized about being a constance, or a clarice; for men, i'm fond of clarence, anton, and bertrand. of course, "nobody owens" is my favorite name; what better to take for my internet counterpart?
What is it that you most dislike?
un-literary deceit.
What is your greatest regret?
i wish i'd dropped out of college sooner. the amount of money i wasted on that last semester (because i dropped out a week after the deadline for a refund) haunts me.
How would you like to die?
while crossing the street, i will be hit by a car (or truck, but not a motorcycle). i will know what it's like to be run over by a moving vehicle, and i then i will perish.
What is your motto?
"it may be the wrong decision, but fuck it, its mine." (house of leaves, pg?)