20260424. honestly the "diary" page feels out-of-date. my previous websites contained emotional rants and vents and devil-knows-what-else i've written and forgotten. my 'mental health' (eww) is better than it used to be, or at least my emotions are less out of control. i think.
i still want a page, or a file, to collect my misc. thoughts, (todo) lists, reactions to things, and so on and so forth. so this page is a day-to-day log, sure, but not the mess i associate with a diary.
look forward to me still posting the same old shit...
20260503. boston---checked out newbury street and was disappointed. the maxi skirts at uniqlo looked nice, but my legs are too short to actually wear them. muji was more of a win; the notebooks are so sleek. also bought salted caramel baumkuchen; light cake + layers was an interesting combination. all three anime-related stores were a bust. it seems like most people want figurines and small shit? trader joe's was a waste of time too. the bookstores i visited weren't for me. affordable used books are where it's at. garment district (closer to cambridge) WAS worthwhile. prices were in the $10-20 range. i picked up a skirt with a paisley pattern. i'd go there again. they also had some nice-looking new hats which were cheaper than comparable hats i'd seen online (but i wasn't ready to drop $30 on a new hat...yet). ended the day by checking out blank street coffee; the cherry matcha was fine. just fine. there was definitely a lot of sugar in it, the matcha was barely there...
TOMORROW: actually actually actually check the accounts. continue reading vajrayana (in morning). make chickpea yam dish. continue embroidery---i want to start on the flowers, but i fear continuing the bird would make more sense...
this weekend: stay local and work on film, or do the cambridge binge? i'm closing 3x, so maybe both is an option. however: i must finish another book before i buy more books.
20260502. tonight---chap 3 of vajrayana. try the sake; update cans page. work on embroidery. copy down directions for tomorrow. write up mori kei notes. in an ideal world, finish "doing our own thing" and reread part of hol. also need to check on wifi/utilities account setups... and watch more samurai champloo, start reading speaking of siva, look at graveyards....edit..........so much to do, and the time is never right.
done---re-planted cilantro with scallions. i wonder how this will go. worked on embroidery.
20260501. rum raisin ice cream. canned mai tai (disappointing) and a bottle of peach sake. from vajrayana chap2:
the idea is that we no longer consider what we do as the most significant. it is more a question of the way we do it.
'thighs and prayers' is nun smut. i read nun smut last night. wtf am i doing with my life. oh, oceanofpdf, what have you done to me?
20260429. nothing feels right today. clarification: my hands, wrists, and elbows are misbehaving. i say i need to stretch more. i hope that's all it is. today---embroidery is frustrating and unenjoyable. i must learn to be content with it. an exercise in patience and learning an elementary skill will do wonders for me. i broke a needle. an error in the amazon package---while i ordered a single can of coffee, for $2.50, i was sent a package of a dozen. i was not charged for a dozen cans. there was no option to order a dozen cans. i am amused, and appreciative, and uncertain. these dozen coffee cans would've cost me about as much as the order itself, thus off-setting the cost.
took care of grocery shopping and wifi thing. eggs for breakfast. i don't like the mango-chili-lime "harvest snaps." i prefer the sea-salt ones. found a trail to investigate on sunday.
tomorrow---stretch everything. read. try to do some more embroidery. edit the fucking video. leave for work at 2:30. breathe; do not think about murder. give an extra can of coffee to ---, or at least leave it in the fridge for him.
garlic is a bitch.
20260428. wifi call 6:15 tomorrow. made cranberry white chocolate oatmeal cookies. leftover coconut rolls---"reminds me of a traditional cambodian desert, some sort of mochi." (k)need to make more bread. nothing beats the texture of fresh bread. groceries tomorrow, after work, or thursday morning. read first chapter of vajrayana; annotated and kept taking notes.
sutric buddhism---taming natural tendencies by working against them. reducing and simplifying; ex. sitting meditation with only breathing and not thinking. tantric buddhism---focusing natural tendencies and using them. emphasis on deity yoga(?). ('here, yoga means integration,' i think was the sentence). using thoughts (meditating on a concept?), hand-gestures (mudra), chants / song (sodhana). these are two halves of the same whole.
lady wong patisserie---matcha crepe cake. will not attempt an entremet.
wrote "adventures in the hall of life."
20260427. from "cute accelerationism:"
submit to the future early enough to play a part in making it too late to turn back
todo later---finish cleaning up kitchen (oops), make overnight oats, edit scene. currently reading "doing our own thing" and "cute accelerationism," so keep reading one (or both) of those. also stretch, work on pull-up.
from "the machinist (2004)"
TREVOR: I don't use drugs. Normally I don't even drink.
IVAN: How about abnormally?
20260426. to look into---thomas szasz's "the myth of mental illness."
"it is also at this time that in popular music, crisp diction and carefully wrought lyrics become the exception rather than the norm (...)"
from "doing our own thing" by john mcwhorter. this is from the early 2000s. i'm only in the introduction, but i'm thinking of the way the escalation of his thoughts on language is obvious nowadays. the majority of the music my coworkers play has unintelligible lyrics; so much of what i hear may as well be a mumble.
from used section of local bookstore---"doing our own thing" by john mcwhorter; "vajrayana" by traleg kyabgon; "a treasury of witchcraft" by harry e. wedeck.
20260424. tomorrow morning---remember to stretch. i would love to work on doing the splits too. also clean up kitchen, take out trash, and do finance stuff. evening---continue reading demonolatry, also edit the lyric video. want to read another 1600s pamphlet but may not have energy. essay anyways. save longform video for sunday. no going out plans for sunday; you need rest.
notes on today---salmon was okay, lime-coconut salmon sounds better. work was a bitch, in a good way. had heath ice cream which was okay. re-placed amazon order; hopefully the delivery date is what it says it is. wrote vivian essay, which ended up containing most of what i thought i had to say about legally blonde.