welcome welcome welcome! here is yet another page for my nervous breakdowns, identity crises, tangents, rambles, trials, and tribulations. i am eating my first meal for july---oatmeal with strawberries. how extravagant. i'm also sipping on instant coffee and electrolytes (separately).
hey why the hell did --- NOT give us a heads-up that she was showing her room to someone today? the place is clean because the landlord is coming by later, so that is a relief. i didn't get to the bathroom yet though. forgot to buy a new strainer for that sink---someone threw it away.
hearing them is really distracting. i don't like this.
aaaaaaaand she's out. mmmk.
landlord said she'd be here in the morning (vague), so i am visiting a nearby park. the local insect population has promptly decided to bother me. well, at least some creatures are abundantly alive and well. i suppose this makes up for the lack of insects in the house. the apartment is nice and clean; i even bothered to take care of a spot of grime on the bathroom floor (so awesome). trashes are taken out. the place looks good enough. i don't know why i'm feeling so paranoid. maybe i need to do a proper area-by-area deep-clean to make myself feel better. the rug on the stairs is really grimy; i could figure out what to do about that.
i think i'm going to buy cold brew later this week (a treat!), and then re-use the container to make my own batches of cold brew. don't worry; i'll sanitize it first. the la colombe brand is on sale this week, so i have options for good black coffee.
feeling slightly envious of students. part of me wants to go back to college for the learning experience, but not for the expense. most of my coworkers are students and i feel so alienated. eh, screw it all! <-- if only i actually believed it.
this sitting on a bench in a safe park and typing is nice. i forgot there was an area two minutes from my house. i always think about the more official Park Park that's a half-mile from me. so many dog walkers there. it's a nice area, but the distance is just enough to feel out of the way. i do not want to walk more. even though it's not a far walk! ugh, what is this laziness?! but this is nice. i could take up sitting outside and writing in the mornings before work. maybe that'd scratch the same itch as going to dunkin does..?
a soft breeze continues rustling the leaves of the massive tree which stands before me. it's about half the height of the three story building that's behind me. the leaves are a mirage of purple and green. the branches extend outward for a few yards. it's the kind of large oak that you can imagine a bookworm hanging out under.
if it spoke, what would it say? how has this oak been treated? have inhabitants taken care of it---have they danced around it, sat under it, picnicked in its shade? or has it stood alone, forgotten, while students and busy city folk run by, ignorant of the wizened beauty that towers over them?
my computer insists on informing me that it has failed to connect to wifi. no shit, sherlock; what wifi network is there to be found? i shake my head and check my phone. a man yells out---"ah! oh! you motherfucker! hey, you!" i check my surroundings, but i don't see anyone who could be making that noise. perhaps it was a carfolk.
a bright blue car catches my eye. the owner has chosen to embellish it with a purple streak. before me, i notice a tiny twig that has begun to wriggle, teaching me it is not a twig, but mayhaps a dying worm. the urge to piss makes itself known. i could go home, but then i risk running into the landlord. best to sit and wait. why couldn't she have noted a time? why couldn't i have asked?
a well-dressed man cuts across the green as he chugs from a water bottle. a woman follows the sidewalk, her phone held in place by her head as she alternates between sipping on her coffee and eating something. i lied. she holds her phone before her as if on video call, the pastry vanquished, the coffee relegated to her backpack's drink holder. i lied again. there is no backpack. she poses as if taking a picture. a group of people enter my line of sight. they open the back door of a truck. the woman continues to walk. a fire hydrant reappears in my line of sight. two people exit a building, and then they're followed by a third who gently trails behind them---going the same direction but not a part of their group. the group has closed the back of the truck, having retrieved the dolly they were after. they enter the same building the last three exited. a tall pine in the background catches my attention. is it a pine? it towers over another three story building. how long did it take to reach that height? an orange safety cone perches on the front of another truck. there is so much here. i find traces of aquamarine on some artificial structure---planters, maybe? i tilt my head, but they're too far away. another woman cuts across the green and takes the same path as a previous man. i squint, and note a slight difference in elevation, and a streak of gray makes itself known. there is a sidewalk there, albeit obscured from my vision by the grass. i resolve to head home and use the bathroom.
could i do the job of a grounds-keeper?
i take up jaywalking, only to learn that there is a car stopped outside my house. it is perpendicular to the vacant parking spaces. must be the landlord and/or insurance people. the time is ten o'clock on the dot---yes, that does sound like a meeting time.
i decide to return to the bench. in my three-minute absence, a lawnmower has appeared. i sigh and wander further up the street. i hear a woman howl while on the phone. i have taken up a chair at a group of tables. a group of people---the ones i was watching earlier---exit another building. interesting. were they touring? the wandering, howling woman is the same one i saw earlier, with the coffee. thankfully, she moves on from this space fairly quickly.
you can e-ven mar-ry har-ry / but mess a-round with ike trails through my head. i catch the bitter aftertaste of coffee on my tongue. the hazelnut flavor syrup has rendered the cheap powder palatable. i replace it with the passionfruit electrolytes. trucks pass by---poland springs, coca cola. i hear a man praise someone else. the someone else is the lone man who was chugging is water bottle. the howling woman howls again, making her exuberance known to the world.
i catch sight of someone with a matcha, followed by a man with three cases of poland springs. i bird begins to chitter-twitter, and another one cackles in response. such is life. someone else walks by, a ring of keys rattling against his waste. i spot three varieties of lights within the building: cyliners, domes, and hanging spheres. domes are the fewest. i draw my arms back as an insect buzzes bye. why are they always around my ears? i see a man with curled hair eating a pastry. i notice a table coated in pollen. upon further inspection, all of the rectangular tables are the same. only the gridded ones are absent of this grime.
i check my phone and consider wandering back home, only to continue to tap my foot against the metal table. is it metal? i don't know. mesh-top. my vocabulary fails me.